


lighthouse

by Donts



Series: Donts' Whumptober2020 writings [12]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Complicated Emotions, Depression, Hopeful Ending, Whumptober 2020, other characters are mentioned via quotes, self hate, themes of depression, wow look at me projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27210226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donts/pseuds/Donts
Summary: it's easy to get lost in one's own mind.
Series: Donts' Whumptober2020 writings [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952098
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	lighthouse

**Author's Note:**

> whumptober day 20  
>  **lost**
> 
> so I did a little spin on this one.

Grey, dark and murky. A constant fog. Trying to move feels like moving through tar.

_What is this?_

It's so easy to get lost in the mind, a cluster of complicated emotions.

Merlin doesn't know what he feels. All he knows is that it feels shitty.

The thoughts are worse. They scream and echo and carve into his soul.

_**You will never be known.**_

****

_**No one cares.**_

****

****

****

_**Insignificant.**_

********

****

********

_**Useless.**_

********** **

****

********** **

_**Worthless.**_

************ ** **

****

************ ** **

_**No one would care.**_

************** ** ** **

****

************** ** ** **

_**Unneeded.**_

**************** ** ** ** **

****

**************** ** ** ** **

**_Failure._**

**************** ** ** ** **

And oh how Merlin tries to leave. Desperately and aimlessly clawing for a way out. The heaviness only drags him further down.

**************** ** ** ** **

Merlin is lost. Gods, he is so lost.

**************** ** ** ** **

You'd think with such a clear destiny, he'd know what to do. Make Arthur a great king. But how? 

**************** ** ** ** **

How can he possibly guide Arthur to be a better man, when he himself feels like a sin.

**************** ** ** ** **

_**Monster.**_

**************** ** ** ** **

****

**************** ** ** ** **

_**Monster.**_

****************** ** ** ** ** **

****

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**_Monster._**

****************** ** ** ** ** **

He just wants to escape.

****************** ** ** ** ** **

How is he supposed to keep Arthur safe, when he just wants to rest.

****************** ** ** ** ** **

_**Heavy.**_

****************** ** ** ** ** **

****

****************** ** ** ** ** **

_**Heavy.**_

******************** ** ** ** ** ** **

****

******************** ** ** ** ** ** **

**_Heavy._**

******************** ** ** ** ** ** **

_"Purple suits you!"_

******************** ** ** ** ** ** **

A ray of sunlight.

******************** ** ** ** ** ** **

_"I'm glad you're here, Merlin."_

******************** ** ** ** ** ** **

Another light amidst the storm.

******************** ** ** ** ** ** **

_"Well, if it was you, I would've said I was very proud,"_

******************** ** ** ** ** ** **

Well, maybe Merlin wouldn't be lost forever.

******************** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Author's Note:**

> I projected very heavily on this one with my own experiences. specifically, I felt very much like this last night. and then my wonderful friends bombarded me with love and I felt so much better.
> 
> I am eternally grateful for them, they're like family to me. they make me feel so loved and seen. I love each and every one of them. a few of them are probably reading this, so hello, and thank you for being such great friends. ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> ❤️comments and kudos appreciated ❤️


End file.
